Believe in God

Family Karaoke night...yeah, we're fun like that.

I just got done speaking in an all girl youth class at our local congregation (our Ward Young Women) and the topic was the importance of families. When my friend asked me to speak earlier in the week, I seriously thought to myself, "Why would you ask me? We clearly don't have this family thing figured out right now." Little did I know, that Heavenly Father knew it would be exactly what I needed after a long week of adoption anxiety and frustration. 

TRUTH: We know very little of the adoption world, more than the average person for sure, but definitely below average in the adoption world. As I throw myself more into it, I realize I have barely even scratched the surface. Which has left me feeling like a really bad mom. Not a bad mom to Winston and Eve...in fact, I have no problem saying that I am an excellent mother to those two. They are plump and healthy, developmentally right on track, and are involved in an array of activities on just about any given day of the week. But to that sweet little babe (or maybe even toddler) that we are searching to find....this week I just felt inadequate and defeated. 

Mari's masters graduation in April. 

I joined an adoption support group online, and it has been so helpful in learning to navigate through the adoption world that is so complex. I've learned that our options are bigger than just independent/private/social media or an agency. We could find an attorney that specializes in adoptions and specifically waits for birth mothers to come in and then match them with hopeful adoptive couples they already have waiting. I also learned we should reach out to  attorneys out of state and that there is an awesome attorney in Arkansas that specifically helps place Pacific Islander babies. So, that is hopeful for us. But on Thursday, after reading post after post of all the things I could be doing to get closer to finding our baby, I felt defeated, frustrated, and in all honesty, just plain down on myself. How can we find our baby, if we don't know half of the things we need to be doing? 

Luckily for me, today in Church, I was reminded that with God, all things are possible, "that the family is ordained of God" as stated in The Family Proclamation, and that He is orchestrating every aspect of our family gathering.  As I've said before, our decision to adopt right now has little to do with our struggle to conceive on our own. But everything to do with the fact that we believe there is a baby out there waiting to join our family through adoption. I know that God has a master plan for our family and that if we keep at it, we'll all find each other. Let's just hope it's sooner rather than later, or this mama is about to lose her mind. Just kidding. 😂 I'll end with my favorite scripture and our family theme of the year. It is applicable no matter what stage of life you are in, or the trail you are facing at this time. 

"Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend."    
*Mosiah 4:9

 I believe. Do you? 

Why YOU should pick US

I want to preface this post with: Many of the reasons why you should choose us will be similar to a lot of other couples. We wholeheartedly believe that it'll come down to your connection with the right family. But, how can you know if there is a connection, without learning a little about each family. So, though that is the oddest title for this post...let's be real...that's exactly what you want to know if you're birth parents...So, here it goes (in no particular order).

1. We are COMMITTED. We live by our word, and what we say we're going to do, we do. We expect the same amount of respect in return. This also goes for our commitment to people in our lives. We make family and God a priority, and we are committed members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 
   
2. We EMBRACE every moment. We are definitely those people that live by the statement, "work hard, play hard." When we are wrapped up in a project or job, we won't quit till it's done. At the same time, if we are playing, we really know how to have fun. For example, Richard and Mari (no kids) went to Europe for two weeks at the start of the summer. We had so much fun biking around Neuschwanstein Castle in Germany, exploring Stonehenge in England, and singing the Sound of Music in Salzburg. But, then we came home to a whole yard that had been neglected for weeks. We had to bite the bullet and buckle down to get it all ready for the summer and our garden planted. It took weeks of only working. In this case...we obviously wish we had worked hard first before playing hard...but oh well. 
3. We will PROVIDE a stable (physical, emotional, and mental) environment for your child to grow up and thrive in. Period.
4. We have HIGH EXPECTATIONS for our children daily. They know the importance of responsibility and even at just four and two, both our kids help with jobs around the house-- unloading the dishwasher, setting and clearing the table after meals, doing the weekly laundry, just to name a few. In addition, we're not afraid to make our kids do hard things. Most recently, we were at a family cabin, and we made both our kids (not together) ride on the zup board (basically a little kids wake board) with Richard. We want them to know that trying new things allows them to find what they do and don't like, allows them to be brave in new and hard situations, and gives them confidence when they are able to do it. 
5. We value EDUCATION. Though, Richard and Mari both have masters degrees, that's really not the most important thing or the goal. It's more that we want our children to be educated,
   because education leads to opportunity and awareness, which leads to empathy and kindness, and potentially security and confidence.
   
6.  We're just plain GOOD PEOPLE. Like seriously, we live by the statements, "Treat others the way you want to be treated" or "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say it."  We love teaching our children about our culture, but we also embrace all cultures and we are excited to add to our family culture, with that of a birth family. We love to do service, and look for opportunities to teach our children that. Most recently, we volunteered to help clean our local church. The time assigned was right around bedtime, but we knew it was important for our children to participate in cleaning a building they go to every week. We ended our cleaning service with some line tag around the gym. And they loved it.  We did too.  
7. We are REAL and NORMAL. If you've made it this far, you deserve to hear some truth bombs. TRUTH #1: We fight in our house, or it's probably better to say that we disagree. Let me make it clear right now, there's no physical fighting, but we've definitely raised our voices a time or two. We have no problem disagreeing, with a level of respect. Yes, like I said...we're real.  TRUTH #2. We'll ask questions that other people wouldn't...purely because we care, we're genuinely interested, and we're not afraid. And in return, we will give that same respect, and be truthful if you have questions you want answered. TRUTH #3: We're not ashamed to admit we have faults...For example, Mari is "appropriately pushy". That was the exact term used to describe her by her thesis chair in regards to getting Polynesian high school students to take her survey, that would allow her to do her thesis project, and thus graduate. She has some sort of tact and politeness to it though, so you may not even notice it.  If you'd like to hear more of our weaknesses, you'll have to contact us personally. 😉
8. And lastly, and probably most importantly....We have been PRAYING for you for months. Maybe not by name, but we have been praying that our birth mother would find us or that we
   
   would find her. We've been praying that our baby would be brave to join our family. And we've been praying that once we found each other, we would recognize that sweet connection. We sure love you already.  

There are obviously a lot more reasons we could share, but we felt these were the most important. Please feel free to contact us if you have any questions, please contact us on our Facebook adoption page--Richard & Mari: Hoping to Adopt. Or visit our About Us page to learn more about us. 

Dear Birth Parent(s)

Dear Expectant Parent(s), 

First off, thank you so much for taking the time to learn a little about our family. We can only imagine what you may be feeling as you make this life-changing decision. We may not understand what you are going through, but we want you to know that we are scared as well.

It is terrifying to put yourself out there with all the other people trying to adopt too. However, we feel confident that everything we have done in our lives, has led us to this point right now—adding to our family through adoption. With that being said, thank you for considering us at this important time. 

Here is a little about our family…

Our names are Richard and Mari. We have been married for eight years and have two children, Winston (4 years old) and Eve (2 years old). We love being married to one another and we love our little family. Although they bring us such joy now, there was a time in our lives where having children was full of trials and hardships. Our son Winston, came in January 2014 after extensive fertility treatments over two years. We thank God every day for the blessing that he is in our lives. Then, in 2015, we attempted to expand our family through more fertility treatments. Although we were able to get pregnant, Mari was unable to keep the babies, and we miscarried twice. At that time, we believed strongly, that there were more children waiting to join our family. We began the adoption process, and after a few months in, we learned that we had miraculously conceived on our own. In August of 2016, our sweet Eve joined our family. Even yet, we know that God has a plan for us and we are all excited for our family to grow through adoption. Winston and Eve pray every night that their baby sibling will be led to our family. Learn more about us individually on our About Us and  pages.

Saturday bike ride up Provo Canyon.

We are a fun-loving family that enjoys doing just about anything together. In particular, we love to be with extended family and friends whenever possible. Our favorite activities include playing in our backyard (especially with neighbors), exercising at the gym, eating really good food (we love ethnic foods), traveling the world (this Spring, we went to Europe for two weeks), and doing other outdoor activities such as swimming and hiking. Currently, our recent obsession is pool time, bike rides, and raspberry picking. Yum Yum! We love summer days! At the same time, we also enjoy lounging in our PJs, playing our new favorite game Sushi Go, and binge watching Netflix and Hulu with one another. 

On our Sound of Music Biking tour around Salzbury.

We are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and our faith is very important to us. Church is attended every week, and prayers are said daily in our home. We value faith, honesty, integrity, hard work, service, and love for everyone. These are principles that are taught in our home every day and by example. Equally important, we value family relationships and we’re looking forward to a healthy relationship with our birth family.

We have a high level of respect and gratitude for birth parents. We know this must not be easy for you, but we respect that you’re exploring your options while considering what is best for your baby. Putting the needs of your child before your own is one of the most notable traits of a good parent. Should we have the blessing of raising your child, we would love for there to be ongoing communication between our families and we are committed to working with you to figure out what that looks like. Most importantly, we want you to know that we will never forget you or your sacrifice in bringing our family together. We will teach your child who you are, where they came from and the gratitude we have for your selfless act of love. 

We wish you courage and peace as you make this difficult decision. Know that every day we

are praying for you and are excited to one day meet you. One of our favorite quotes is by Jeffrey R. Holland, a great man in our Church. “Keep your chin up...Trust God and believe in good things to come.” We believe this will be the case for you, as well as us, at this time. If you would like to learn more about us, please visit our About Us page or our Pick Us Page or Our Facebook Adoption Page. If you're already convinced we're the right family for you and your baby, please email us at mariserrao84@gmail.com. Once again, thank you so much for taking the time to learn about our family.

With love, 

Richard and Mari Oto
(Win and Evie too)

About Us

Here is a little more about who we are as individuals, as well as our extended family and culture. In addition you can learn more about our family and why we might be a good fit for your baby or child by reading our Pick Us page. 

Richard is the youngest of three siblings and was born and raised in California and Florida. When he was 19 years old, Richard served a full-time mission for The Church of Jesus of Christ of Latter-Day Saints in Las Vegas, Nevada. He attended BYU-Provo for his undergraduate and MBA and currently works at Adobe in Partner Marketing. The best thing about Richard’s job is that he can work from just about anywhere. We often travel to Hawaii or Idaho and Richard is still able to work allowing us to spend extended amounts of time with family. We love that. Richard enjoys playing all sports, but most particularly loves basketball, mountain biking and golf. Still a chubby boy at heart, Richard loves food! Whether it is a protein bar, fruit, popcorn, or ice cream, Richard is always eating! It’s a good thing he also enjoys exercising. The best word to describe Richard is a “provider”. He will go above and beyond to make sure that his family is taken care of before he is. Richard loves being a dad and never expected it to be as good as it is. He is the father that embraces every moment with his children. Playing hide and seek, story time, cuddling and kissing, you name it and Richard is there for it. He is an exceptional father. 

Mari is the second oldest child in a family of four. She was born and raised in Aiea, Hawaii in a very close knit immediate and extended family. Some of her best childhood memories are playing with her cousins in the river behind her grandparent’s house. Mari attended college at BYU-Provo in Utah, where she earned her undergraduate degree in Social Science Teaching and minors in TESOL (Teaching English as a Second Language) and Asian Studies. During college, Mari took time off to teach English in China with a non-profit organization and also served a full-time mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in Singapore and Malaysia. Those two trips contributed greatly to the person Mari is today, someone who loves service, teaching and learning about new cultures and languages. After graduating from college, Mari taught middle school History and Student Council for five years before deciding to be a stay-at-home mom. Most recently, she graduated in April (2018) from BYU with a masters in Teacher Education. Although Mari loved being in school and learning, by far the most rewarding and satisfying job she’s ever had is being at home with Winston and Eve. Mari is the social butterfly of our family. She’s often organizing BBQs with friends on the weekends, and playdates for Winston and Eve during the week. Mari loves step aerobic classes, scrapbooking, journal writing, eating Korean BBQ, laughing with family and friends, but most importantly, being a mom to Winston and Eve. 

Winston is our oldest son. He was born in January of 2014 and brings such great joy and laughter into our lives. We consider him to be our miracle baby since he was conceived through IVF and also fought hard to join us on Earth. He was born four weeks early and came out not breathing. They performed chest compressions and intubated him and we were, and still are, blessed and grateful that he made it through. He has a strong-willed personality and we joke that he got the stubbornness from the both of us. He always knows what he wants and tries to find a way to get it. He is a social child that loves other babies and kids, but hates the spotlight and absolutely dreads performing in any way. He loves to read, play puzzles, cuddle and is absolutely obsessed with anything that is Disney CARS. Winston has the sweetest spirit and has asked multiple times when a baby brother (though we'll take a baby sister too), will be joining our family. 

Eve is our spunky baby girl, born in August 2016, when Mari was in her first term of graduate studies. She is our unexpected miracle and in every sense of the word is a mini Mari. She's got too much attitude for her little body to handle and we know she'll work us hard when she's a teenager! Eve loves dancing and will always shake it on the counter tops in our family dance parties. She also loves reading books, playing (basically rolling) in the sand pit, picking strawberries and raspberries (we've found her in the middle of the patch on multiple occasions) and following around her big brother Winston. She will make the best big sister to a new little one. 

Although Winston and Eve bring such joy to our lives, we know that a part of our family is missing, and they can feel it too. Winston has asked on multiple occasions when his baby brother is coming.

Our Extended Family and Culture

Any child who joins our family will be warmly embraced by all of four loving grandparents along with wonderful aunts, uncles and cousins. Mari has two of her three siblings that live here in Utah, and we all get together weekly. Also, Mari’s parents frequently visit Utah to spend time with all of us, and we get home to Hawaii at least two times a year. 

Richard’s closest brother is in Idaho and we see them every other month on average. Just

last week, we were up in Idaho at a family cabin on the lake. All our days were spent wake boarding, surfing, and tubing. It was so fun! Richard’s parents who live in Florida, visit often. Mari also has three of her four grandparents still living in Hawaii and we feel so blessed that they are healthy and still with us. Family is very important to us and we make it a priority to spend time with both sides of our family as often as possible. 

Since we are both of Asian heritage, the Japanese/Hawaiian culture is very important for us. Footwear are not worn in the house, chopsticks are called hashi and used regularly, and anyone older than you is called an “aunty” or “uncle”. We are excited to add to the culture of our family with the culture of a birth family.

No more wondering...

Our decision to adopt right now has little to do with our struggle to conceive on our own. But everything to do with the fact that we believe there is a baby out there waiting to join our family through adoption. 

Prior to having our little Eve, we were hoping to adopt. When we found out we were pregnant, we felt strongly that we still needed to keep our profile on adoption.com. We felt that adoption was still meant to be a part of our journey. Whether that meant while we were pregnant, with a newborn, or five years later…we were open to it. Well, last August, almost a year ago, we were contacted by a 17 year-old birth mother who came across our profile and was persistent and persuasive that we were meant to adopt her baby boy. It felt right to us too. We were scared of having three children under three, but we felt confident that this was a part of God’s plan for our lives. We proceeded with the adoption, and for three months, we attended her doctor appointments, hung out with her multiple times a week, and even had her sleep over our house just so we could spend more time with her. We LOVED her! It was like we were meant to be friends…meant to be in each other’s lives. Our hopes of adopting this precious baby boy went all the way up to two weeks before her delivery, when the birth father refused to relinquish his parental rights. 

We were devasted, defeated, and heartbroken. It was a different type of loss, unlike my previous miscarriages, but similar at the same time. Although I wasn’t physically bleeding and didn’t have to have any surgeries, I still felt physically ill. There was a serious hole in our hearts and we didn’t quite know how to recover from it. Even now, if I think about those days of sadness, I feel an indescribable loss and heaviness…hopes and dreams, that were so close and yet so far all at the same time. 

Fast forward to now… we have been trying to get pregnant for the past year and a half. Month after month, period after period, I have wondered if our miracle #3 is supposed to come through adoption. I have wondered if maybe God sees we really have enough courage and faith to go through the whole adoption process again, and with the same possibility of loss and heartache. I’ve wondered if maybe our hearts have room for not just another baby, but for a whole birth family. And I’ve wondered if maybe there’s a baby out there that needs us just as much as we need him or her. Well, here’s to not wondering anymore…we’re going to find you little one. I promise. 

And if you've made to the end of this heavy long post, you deserve a belly shot of Evie. She makes everyone happy right?! 

Our Adoption Journey: The Loneliness of Waiting

We have been on this roller coaster journey, called infertility, for five years now.  I know some might think that's long, and some might think that's short. For us...it's life.  Our life. We mastered every aspect of our infertility we could-- the ultrasounds, doctors, procedures, and drugs/shots--bravelle, menopur, lupron, hcg, endometrin, all of it. When something didn't work, we pumped more drugs into my body, did more ultrasounds, and then more treatments. We'd done it all and it still wasn't enough. We whole-heartedly decided to move forward with adoption and thus have begun this journey to find our baby, or even babies. Surprising to say, it may just be a little harder than all those fertility treatments. Here's why...

I was told by many experienced with adoption, "Good luck, it'll be a long wait." I was grateful for their honest words of advice, yet now, I wonder why no one mentioned how lonely it would be.  I thought I would feel satisfied with my efforts.  Once our adoption profile was posted, what more could I do but sit and wait patiently? 
(Here's that link again if you were wondering...)

http://adoption.com/profiles/MariOto-6385

Our profile has now been posted for almost 6 weeks and we're still waiting to even be contacted. It's been lonely to say the least. Every day that passes, I think about, pray for, and wonder where is our baby? I CAN'T take more drugs, do more treatments, or even see a different doctor.  This is it.  

Which just isn't good enough for me.  I believe, NO ONE will fight for our baby to join our family more than us and our birth family.  When I'm at my loneliest each day, I think to myself, "Somewhere out there, there is a birth mom praying for us just as much as we are praying for her.  Somewhere out there, our birth mom needs us just as much as we need her."  And then I gain strength to do MORE.  

We are constantly spreading the word to everyone we know, through email, Facebook, instagram, adoption pass along cards, and word of mouth. Although we think about and pray for our birth family and baby every single day, I know there are days when I don't do enough to find our baby. I don't open my mouth enough and I don't give out that pass-along card, even though I thought of it. Today, I decided I'd fight, and fight hard. 

This morning, I gave out our adoption pass along cards to ladies in my gym class. Women that I see just about every week, but have never even talked to.  Then on my way out the door, I felt extra bold.  I marched straight over to the sweet-bro sitting behind the check in desk at VASA gym and gave him a card. I explained our situation and with it, our hopes and dreams. Some of you might think, that is totally Mari...but let me tell you, this is HARD. Even for me. Who wants to share the most intimate details of their life with a complete stranger?  He responded, "Well, I don't know of anyone now, but I can keep an ear out. I can do that for you." Who knew my exercise for the day would be not only physically satisfying, but also mentally and emotionally encouraging. 

So, it's been lonely, but to our birth family and baby-- WE ARE FIGHTING TO FIND YOU. AND WE WILL. 

Lots of love to you wherever you are right now.

Our Journey to Adoption

Although we just recently posted our profile on adoption.com, our adoption journey really started a few years ago. There was a time before Winston, when we contemplated quite seriously about adoption. We were struggling with our fertility treatments, and after another failed IUI, I told Richard I needed a break. We stopped our treatments and decided to pursue another path. We did the paperwork, and met with a caseworker for LDS Family Services. I still remember the day so clearly. 

We sat in our appointment, answering question and after question, trying to prove that we were decent people with a sincere desire. At the end of the interview, she said we passed and the next step would be to put down the first payment of money. Wow...we were really doing this. My eyes actually welled up with tears thinking that we were one step closer to our baby. It was late afternoon on a Friday and so the department we were to pay, was already closed. They gave us the contact information and we said we'd call on Monday morning. We walked out and I turned to Richard and said, "Can you believe we're doing this?" His quick, yet sincere response was, "We're not doing this. I cannot give up on our own baby. We need to do IVF." In that parking lot, I realized this great man I had married, was going to fight for our baby to come to Earth. We proceeded with our first IVF treatment and it was a success. Nine months later, we welcomed Winston Kaimana Naotaka Oto into our lives. I still look back on that D.I. parking lot with a sense of gratitude for Richard who pushed us forward in our fertility journey.

In January of this year, we decided to move forward with another IVF cycle. From our previous fertility treatments, we learned that I have a very low number of eggs left. Officially, my Doctor called it, "Diminishing Ovarian Reserve".  Although Win was barely one, we knew we couldn't wait longer on the off chance that my eggs might be gone. We started our IVF cycle-- more shots, ultrasounds, blood work and it all payed off. We got pregnant. Sadly, we miscarried at 8 weeks. It was devastating that after all our hard work, we had lost our baby. In that same cycle, my Doctor discovered that I had Endometriosis. He suggested that I go on a shot (Depot Lupron) for a few months to help get rid of the Endometriosis. Essentially, this shut shut down my reproductive system sending my body into menopause. It sounds glamorous to not have any periods right?  But, let me tell you, it was anything but that. Intense weight gain (yep, I still feel super fat) and crazy hot flashes. After three months of this, they jumpstarted my body and we went straight into another IVF. 

I had so much hope this time around. I honestly thought, "We've been through so much heartache and now God would bless us for remaining faithful." Silly me. One of the greatest lessons I've learned through all of this is that God doesn't grant us blessings because WE think we're done with our trial. Only He can decide that. And, He knew we still had and still have so much to learn and grow. Our IVF cycle was a success, but once again we miscarried at eight weeks. 

Somehow this miscarriage was different than the first. I knew, our baby was out there waiting for us, and if we sat by idly, we'd miss their entrance into the world. I felt a sense of urgency to quickly move forward with our hopeful adoption. I was grateful Richard felt the same way. We began contacting agencies for a home study and then shortly after started the process. Every completed background check, child abuse clearance, FBI check, etc. felt like one step closer to our baby. Within one month, we had a home study complete and our profile posted on adoption.com. I feel so much better knowing that we have done all within our power to bring our baby to us.  Now, we wait.