Our decision to adopt right now has little to do with our struggle to conceive on our own. But everything to do with the fact that we believe there is a baby out there waiting to join our family through adoption.
Prior to having our little Eve, we were hoping to adopt. When we found out we were pregnant, we felt strongly that we still needed to keep our profile on adoption.com. We felt that adoption was still meant to be a part of our journey. Whether that meant while we were pregnant, with a newborn, or five years later…we were open to it. Well, last August, almost a year ago, we were contacted by a 17 year-old birth mother who came across our profile and was persistent and persuasive that we were meant to adopt her baby boy. It felt right to us too. We were scared of having three children under three, but we felt confident that this was a part of God’s plan for our lives. We proceeded with the adoption, and for three months, we attended her doctor appointments, hung out with her multiple times a week, and even had her sleep over our house just so we could spend more time with her. We LOVED her! It was like we were meant to be friends…meant to be in each other’s lives. Our hopes of adopting this precious baby boy went all the way up to two weeks before her delivery, when the birth father refused to relinquish his parental rights.
We were devasted, defeated, and heartbroken. It was a different type of loss, unlike my previous miscarriages, but similar at the same time. Although I wasn’t physically bleeding and didn’t have to have any surgeries, I still felt physically ill. There was a serious hole in our hearts and we didn’t quite know how to recover from it. Even now, if I think about those days of sadness, I feel an indescribable loss and heaviness…hopes and dreams, that were so close and yet so far all at the same time.
Fast forward to now… we have been trying to get pregnant for the past year and a half. Month after month, period after period, I have wondered if our miracle #3 is supposed to come through adoption. I have wondered if maybe God sees we really have enough courage and faith to go through the whole adoption process again, and with the same possibility of loss and heartache. I’ve wondered if maybe our hearts have room for not just another baby, but for a whole birth family. And I’ve wondered if maybe there’s a baby out there that needs us just as much as we need him or her. Well, here’s to not wondering anymore…we’re going to find you little one. I promise.
And if you've made to the end of this heavy long post, you deserve a belly shot of Evie. She makes everyone happy right?!
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