This journey of adoption is like a rollercoaster...sometimes so exciting and then the next minute downright scary.
The things you do when you're hoping to adopt:
1) Buy newborn diapers and store it in your closet, just in case a call comes at any time.
2) Move your youngest child into a big bed, so that the crib is available to be set up at any point. Store the rocker in your master bedroom, because what's the point of moving it down to the basement if you are going to need it soon. Fingers crossed right?!
3) Tons of one-on-one time with the kiddos, so that your youngest will be ready to be a big sister instantly and your oldest knows he's still so important.
4) Analyze over and over again what a birth mother might not like about you...this is the worst part.
5) Check all of our adoption profiles multiple times a week, if not daily. Maddening.
6) Keep yourself as busy as possible, for us that means traveling, just so you can be distracted and not think about the adoption every waking minute.
7) Casually slip into any conversation that we are hoping to adopt and to keep us in mind if they hear of anyone hoping to place.
8) Not so casually slip into any conversation that we are hoping to adopt and to keep us in mind if they hear of anyone hoping to place.
9) Be completely vulnerable by sharing some of the most intimate details of your life with everyone on social media. This one might the hardest. But hey...it only takes one person to know a person, who knows a person...etc.
10) Pray at every chance you can that "our baby and birth mom" will find us or that we will find them. Hope is all we have right now, and we are clinging to it with every ounce of courage we have.
The Oto Family Adventures
Monday, May 19, 2025
Sunday, August 5, 2018
Believe in God
Family Karaoke night...yeah, we're fun like that. |
TRUTH: We know very little of the adoption world, more than the average person for sure, but definitely below average in the adoption world. As I throw myself more into it, I realize I have barely even scratched the surface. Which has left me feeling like a really bad mom. Not a bad mom to Winston and Eve...in fact, I have no problem saying that I am an excellent mother to those two. They are plump and healthy, developmentally right on track, and are involved in an array of activities on just about any given day of the week. But to that sweet little babe (or maybe even toddler) that we are searching to find....this week I just felt inadequate and defeated.
I joined an adoption support group online, and it has been so helpful in learning to navigate through the adoption world that is so complex. I've learned that our options are bigger than just independent/private/social media or an agency. We could find an attorney that specializes in adoptions and specifically waits for birth mothers to come in and then match them with hopeful adoptive couples they already have waiting. I also learned we should reach out to attorneys out of state and that there is an awesome attorney in Arkansas that specifically helps place Pacific Islander babies. So, that is hopeful for us. But on Thursday, after reading post after post of all the things I could be doing to get closer to finding our baby, I felt defeated, frustrated, and in all honesty, just plain down on myself. How can we find our baby, if we don't know half of the things we need to be doing?
Luckily for me, today in Church, I was reminded that with God, all things are possible, "that the family is ordained of God" as stated in The Family Proclamation, and that He is orchestrating every aspect of our family gathering. As I've said before, our decision to adopt right now has little to do with our struggle to conceive on our own. But everything to do with the fact that we believe there is a baby out there waiting to join our family through adoption. I know that God has a master plan for our family and that if we keep at it, we'll all find each other. Let's just hope it's sooner rather than later, or this mama is about to lose her mind. Just kidding. 😂 I'll end with my favorite scripture and our family theme of the year. It is applicable no matter what stage of life you are in, or the trail you are facing at this time.
Mari's masters graduation in April. |
I joined an adoption support group online, and it has been so helpful in learning to navigate through the adoption world that is so complex. I've learned that our options are bigger than just independent/private/social media or an agency. We could find an attorney that specializes in adoptions and specifically waits for birth mothers to come in and then match them with hopeful adoptive couples they already have waiting. I also learned we should reach out to attorneys out of state and that there is an awesome attorney in Arkansas that specifically helps place Pacific Islander babies. So, that is hopeful for us. But on Thursday, after reading post after post of all the things I could be doing to get closer to finding our baby, I felt defeated, frustrated, and in all honesty, just plain down on myself. How can we find our baby, if we don't know half of the things we need to be doing?
"Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend."
*Mosiah 4:9
*Mosiah 4:9
I believe. Do you?
Saturday, July 28, 2018
Why YOU should pick US
- We are COMMITTED. We live by our word, and what we say we're going to do, we do. We expect the same amount of respect in return. This also goes for our commitment to people in our lives. We make family and God a priority, and we are committed members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
- We EMBRACE every moment. We are definitely those people that live by the statement, "work hard, play hard." When we are wrapped up in a project or job, we won't quit till it's done. At the same time, if we are playing, we really know how to have fun. For example, Richard and Mari (no kids) went to Europe for two weeks at the start of the summer. We had so much fun biking around Neuschwanstein Castle in Germany, exploring Stonehenge in England, and singing the Sound of Music in Salzburg. But, then we came home to a whole yard that had been neglected for weeks. We had to bite the bullet and buckle down to get it all ready for the summer and our garden planted. It took weeks of only working. In this case...we obviously wish we had worked hard first before playing hard...but oh well.
- We will PROVIDE a stable (physical, emotional, and mental) environment for your child to grow up and thrive in. Period.
- We have HIGH EXPECTATIONS for our children daily. They know the importance of responsibility and even at just four and two, both our kids help with jobs around the house-- unloading the dishwasher, setting and clearing the table after meals, doing the weekly laundry, just to name a few. In addition, we're not afraid to make our kids do hard things. Most recently, we were at a family cabin, and we made both our kids (not together) ride on the zup board (basically a little kids wake board) with Richard. We want them to know that trying new things allows them to find what they do and don't like, allows them to be brave in new and hard situations, and gives them confidence when they are able to do it.
- We value EDUCATION. Though, Richard and Mari both have masters degrees, that's really not the most important thing or the goal. It's more that we want our children to be educated,
- We're just plain GOOD PEOPLE. Like seriously, we live by the statements, "Treat others the way you want to be treated" or "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say it." We love teaching our children about our culture, but we also embrace all cultures and we are excited to add to our family culture, with that of a birth family. We love to do service, and look for opportunities to teach our children that. Most recently, we volunteered to help clean our local church. The time assigned was right around bedtime, but we knew it was important for our children to participate in cleaning a building they go to every week. We ended our cleaning service with some line tag around the gym. And they loved it. We did too.
- We are REAL and NORMAL. If you've made it this far, you deserve to hear some truth bombs. TRUTH #1: We fight in our house, or it's probably better to say that we disagree. Let me make it clear right now, there's no physical fighting, but we've definitely raised our voices a time or two. We have no problem disagreeing, with a level of respect. Yes, like I said...we're real. TRUTH #2. We'll ask questions that other people wouldn't...purely because we care, we're genuinely interested, and we're not afraid. And in return, we will give that same respect, and be truthful if you have questions you want answered. TRUTH #3: We're not ashamed to admit we have faults...For example, Mari is "appropriately pushy". That was the exact term used to describe her by her thesis chair in regards to getting Polynesian high school students to take her survey, that would allow her to do her thesis project, and thus graduate. She has some sort of tact and politeness to it though, so you may not even notice it. If you'd like to hear more of our weaknesses, you'll have to contact us personally. 😉
- And lastly, and probably most importantly....We have been PRAYING for you for months. Maybe not by name, but we have been praying that our birth mother would find us or that we would find her. We've been praying that our baby would be brave to join our family. And we've been praying that once we found each other, we would recognize that sweet connection. We sure love you already.
There are obviously a lot more reasons we could share, but we felt these were the most important. Please feel free to contact us if you have any questions, please contact us on our Facebook adoption page--Richard & Mari: Hoping to Adopt. Or visit our About Us page to learn more about us.
Sunday, July 22, 2018
Dear Birth Parent(s)
Dear Expectant Parent(s),
First off, thank you so much for taking the time to learn a little about our family. We can only imagine what you may be feeling as you make this life-changing decision. We may not understand what you are going through, but we want you to know that we are scared as well.
It is terrifying to put yourself out there with all the other people trying to adopt too. However, we feel confident that everything we have done in our lives, has led us to this point right now—adding to our family through adoption. With that being said, thank you for considering us at this important time.
Here is a little about our family…
Our names are Richard and Mari. We have been married for eight years and have two children, Winston (4 years old) and Eve (2 years old). We love being married to one another and we love our little family. Although they bring us such joy now, there was a time in our lives where having children was full of trials and hardships. Our son Winston, came in January 2014 after extensive fertility treatments over two years. We thank God every day for the blessing that he is in our lives. Then, in 2015, we attempted to expand our family through more fertility treatments. Although we were able to get pregnant, Mari was unable to keep the babies, and we miscarried twice. At that time, we believed strongly, that there were more children waiting to join our family. We began the adoption process, and after a few months in, we learned that we had miraculously conceived on our own. In August of 2016, our sweet Eve joined our family. Even yet, we know that God has a plan for us and we are all excited for our family to grow through adoption. Winston and Eve pray every night that their baby sibling will be led to our family. Learn more about us individually on our About Us and pages.
Saturday bike ride up Provo Canyon. |
On our Sound of Music Biking tour around Salzbury. |
We have a high level of respect and gratitude for birth parents. We know this must not be easy for you, but we respect that you’re exploring your options while considering what is best for your baby. Putting the needs of your child before your own is one of the most notable traits of a good parent. Should we have the blessing of raising your child, we would love for there to be ongoing communication between our families and we are committed to working with you to figure out what that looks like. Most importantly, we want you to know that we will never forget you or your sacrifice in bringing our family together. We will teach your child who you are, where they came from and the gratitude we have for your selfless act of love.
We wish you courage and peace as you make this difficult decision. Know that every day we
are praying for you and are excited to one day meet you. One of our favorite quotes is by Jeffrey R. Holland, a great man in our Church. “Keep your chin up...Trust God and believe in good things to come.” We believe this will be the case for you, as well as us, at this time. If you would like to learn more about us, please visit our About Us page or our Pick Us Page or Our Facebook Adoption Page. If you're already convinced we're the right family for you and your baby, please email us at mariserrao84@gmail.com. Once again, thank you so much for taking the time to learn about our family.
With love,
Richard and Mari Oto
(Win and Evie too)
About Us
Here is a little more about who we are as individuals, as well as our extended family and culture. In addition you can learn more about our family and why we might be a good fit for your baby or child by reading our Pick Us page.
Richard is the youngest of three siblings and was born and raised in California and Florida. When he was 19 years old, Richard served a full-time mission for The Church of Jesus of Christ of Latter-Day Saints in Las Vegas, Nevada. He attended BYU-Provo for his undergraduate and MBA and currently works at Adobe in Partner Marketing. The best thing about Richard’s job is that he can work from just about anywhere. We often travel to Hawaii or Idaho and Richard is still able to work allowing us to spend extended amounts of time with family. We love that. Richard enjoys playing all sports, but most particularly loves basketball, mountain biking and golf. Still a chubby boy at heart, Richard loves food! Whether it is a protein bar, fruit, popcorn, or ice cream, Richard is always eating! It’s a good thing he also enjoys exercising. The best word to describe Richard is a “provider”. He will go above and beyond to make sure that his family is taken care of before he is. Richard loves being a dad and never expected it to be as good as it is. He is the father that embraces every moment with his children. Playing hide and seek, story time, cuddling and kissing, you name it and Richard is there for it. He is an exceptional father.
Although Winston and Eve bring such joy to our lives, we know that a part of our family is missing, and they can feel it too. Winston has asked on multiple occasions when his baby brother is coming.
Our Extended Family and Culture
Any child who joins our family will be warmly embraced by all of four loving grandparents along with wonderful aunts, uncles and cousins. Mari has two of her three siblings that live here in Utah, and we all get together weekly. Also, Mari’s parents frequently visit Utah to spend time with all of us, and we get home to Hawaii at least two times a year.Richard’s closest brother is in Idaho and we see them every other month on average. Just
last week, we were up in Idaho at a family cabin on the lake. All our days were spent wake boarding, surfing, and tubing. It was so fun! Richard’s parents who live in Florida, visit often. Mari also has three of her four grandparents still living in Hawaii and we feel so blessed that they are healthy and still with us. Family is very important to us and we make it a priority to spend time with both sides of our family as often as possible.
Since we are both of Asian heritage, the Japanese/Hawaiian culture is very important for us. Footwear are not worn in the house, chopsticks are called hashi and used regularly, and anyone older than you is called an “aunty” or “uncle”. We are excited to add to the culture of our family with the culture of a birth family.
Sunday, July 15, 2018
No more wondering...
Our decision to adopt right now has little to do with our struggle to conceive on our own. But everything to do with the fact that we believe there is a baby out there waiting to join our family through adoption.
Prior to having our little Eve, we were hoping to adopt. When we found out we were pregnant, we felt strongly that we still needed to keep our profile on adoption.com. We felt that adoption was still meant to be a part of our journey. Whether that meant while we were pregnant, with a newborn, or five years later…we were open to it. Well, last August, almost a year ago, we were contacted by a 17 year-old birth mother who came across our profile and was persistent and persuasive that we were meant to adopt her baby boy. It felt right to us too. We were scared of having three children under three, but we felt confident that this was a part of God’s plan for our lives. We proceeded with the adoption, and for three months, we attended her doctor appointments, hung out with her multiple times a week, and even had her sleep over our house just so we could spend more time with her. We LOVED her! It was like we were meant to be friends…meant to be in each other’s lives. Our hopes of adopting this precious baby boy went all the way up to two weeks before her delivery, when the birth father refused to relinquish his parental rights.
Fast forward to now… we have been trying to get pregnant for the past year and a half. Month after month, period after period, I have wondered if our miracle #3 is supposed to come through adoption. I have wondered if maybe God sees we really have enough courage and faith to go through the whole adoption process again, and with the same possibility of loss and heartache. I’ve wondered if maybe our hearts have room for not just another baby, but for a whole birth family. And I’ve wondered if maybe there’s a baby out there that needs us just as much as we need him or her. Well, here’s to not wondering anymore…we’re going to find you little one. I promise.
And if you've made to the end of this heavy long post, you deserve a belly shot of Evie. She makes everyone happy right?!
Saturday, December 19, 2015
Our Adoption Journey: The Loneliness of Waiting

I was told by many experienced with adoption, "Good luck, it'll be a long wait." I was grateful for their honest words of advice, yet now, I wonder why no one mentioned how lonely it would be. I thought I would feel satisfied with my efforts. Once our adoption profile was posted, what more could I do but sit and wait patiently?
(Here's that link again if you were wondering...)
http://adoption.com/profiles/MariOto-6385

Which just isn't good enough for me. I believe, NO ONE will fight for our baby to join our family more than us and our birth family. When I'm at my loneliest each day, I think to myself, "Somewhere out there, there is a birth mom praying for us just as much as we are praying for her. Somewhere out there, our birth mom needs us just as much as we need her." And then I gain strength to do MORE.
We are constantly spreading the word to everyone we know, through email, Facebook, instagram, adoption pass along cards, and word of mouth. Although we think about and pray for our birth family and baby every single day, I know there are days when I don't do enough to find our baby. I don't open my mouth enough and I don't give out that pass-along card, even though I thought of it. Today, I decided I'd fight, and fight hard.

So, it's been lonely, but to our birth family and baby-- WE ARE FIGHTING TO FIND YOU. AND WE WILL.
Lots of love to you wherever you are right now.
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