We have been on this roller coaster journey, called infertility, for five years now. I know some might think that's long, and some might think that's short. For us...it's life. Our life. We mastered every aspect of our infertility we could-- the ultrasounds, doctors, procedures, and drugs/shots--bravelle, menopur, lupron, hcg, endometrin, all of it. When something didn't work, we pumped more drugs into my body, did more ultrasounds, and then more treatments. We'd done it all and it still wasn't enough. We whole-heartedly decided to move forward with adoption and thus have begun this journey to find our baby, or even babies. Surprising to say, it may just be a little harder than all those fertility treatments. Here's why...I was told by many experienced with adoption, "Good luck, it'll be a long wait." I was grateful for their honest words of advice, yet now, I wonder why no one mentioned how lonely it would be. I thought I would feel satisfied with my efforts. Once our adoption profile was posted, what more could I do but sit and wait patiently?
(Here's that link again if you were wondering...)
http://adoption.com/profiles/MariOto-6385
Our profile has now been posted for almost 6 weeks and we're still waiting to even be contacted. It's been lonely to say the least. Every day that passes, I think about, pray for, and wonder where is our baby? I CAN'T take more drugs, do more treatments, or even see a different doctor. This is it. Which just isn't good enough for me. I believe, NO ONE will fight for our baby to join our family more than us and our birth family. When I'm at my loneliest each day, I think to myself, "Somewhere out there, there is a birth mom praying for us just as much as we are praying for her. Somewhere out there, our birth mom needs us just as much as we need her." And then I gain strength to do MORE.
We are constantly spreading the word to everyone we know, through email, Facebook, instagram, adoption pass along cards, and word of mouth. Although we think about and pray for our birth family and baby every single day, I know there are days when I don't do enough to find our baby. I don't open my mouth enough and I don't give out that pass-along card, even though I thought of it. Today, I decided I'd fight, and fight hard.
This morning, I gave out our adoption pass along cards to ladies in my gym class. Women that I see just about every week, but have never even talked to. Then on my way out the door, I felt extra bold. I marched straight over to the sweet-bro sitting behind the check in desk at VASA gym and gave him a card. I explained our situation and with it, our hopes and dreams. Some of you might think, that is totally Mari...but let me tell you, this is HARD. Even for me. Who wants to share the most intimate details of their life with a complete stranger? He responded, "Well, I don't know of anyone now, but I can keep an ear out. I can do that for you." Who knew my exercise for the day would be not only physically satisfying, but also mentally and emotionally encouraging. So, it's been lonely, but to our birth family and baby-- WE ARE FIGHTING TO FIND YOU. AND WE WILL.
Lots of love to you wherever you are right now.
